Where I truly recharge my batteries
He helps me recharge my batteries.
It's a paradox.
He completely exhausts me.
And at the same time, he gives me energy back.
As always, I realized this a bit late.
But still.
After five years on maternity leave, I finally understand a little how to do it.
And I've recently started doing something that I could call a small game-changer.
I started going to recharge my energy...
with my sleeping child.
In a quiet room.
Where it's also softly dark during the day.
Minimum stimuli.
There I calm down.
I relax.
I slow down.
It used to be different.
Put the baby to sleep...
and quickly get away.
Clean up.
Eat something good.
Flop down on the couch.
And finally be alone.
That basically didn't change.
It just shifted slightly.
I fall asleep next to him.
I don't rush him.
I read books to him because I'm interested in stories.
I look at dinosaurs with him and try to remember their names
(so I don't get Alzheimer's 😀).
And most importantly:
When it's too much for me—
what in others is just exhaustion, drained capacity—
I do what I need
(what I usually don't need to do almost anything),
and quietly crawl to where it's most valuable.
To my baby.
I have to be quiet.
Almost not breathe.
I don't want to wake him. (For many reasons 😀)
I listen to him breathing.
I look at his little hands.
At that little face full of life.
And I feel something recomposing inside me.
How this little miracle gives me energy.
Joy of life.
Hope.
And within a few minutes, it conjures up a smile on my face.
Yes, I'm tired.
I take care of him day and night.
I'm recovering from childbirth.
I breastfeed, carry, change diapers.
But at the same time...
he gives me meaning.
Through him, I get to know myself.
The process of childbirth.
I don't know if everyone feels this way. But that's how I've been feeling it lately.
Again and again, I'm amazed at how perfectly everything is put together.
Thank you.